Meh a story i'm working on

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Should I Continue this story?

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Meh a story i'm working on

Post by iHetalia on Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:51 am

I woke up after hearing a loud crash ughh where am I? I thought to myself. When I opened my eye, I saw an unfimilar face staring at me. Her face lit up as she saw me waking up. She suddenly stood up and ran out the door yelling. I scooted up into a sitting postion and looked around the room. The room was small and had a nice feel to it. After a few minutes of observing the tiny room i heard footsteps coming towards the room. 3 people stood out the doorway looking at me. I tried to get out of the bed only to feel a jabbing pain in my abdomen. The tallest of the three ran towards me with a worried look on his face and asked if i was ok. I wanted to say that I was alright but i couldn't, so I smiled in response. As hard as I tried to remember, i couldn't. No memories and no voice the only thing I remember was my name. I quickly looked around the room to find paper and a pen, when I spotted some i slowly slid out of the bed ignoring the pain i felt. The other two, twins, helped me back into bed. The little girl that was in the room when i woke up came in the room and asked for my name. I wrote down my name "......

THATS ALL
i already have a name for the main char, you can guess if it's a boy or girl
Should i continue this?
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Re: Meh a story i'm working on

Post by Marshy on Wed Nov 11, 2009 3:19 pm

Marshy's Friend: How old are you? Your sentences are too short, your grammar sucks, and you mispelled a lot of words. Plus, EYE? Only one eye?! Also, don't use the same word twice in one sentence.
Marshy: Dun Take this too harshly ;-;
She does this to me too Very Happy
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Re: Meh a story i'm working on

Post by Loony's Lin! on Thu Nov 12, 2009 4:10 pm

Lol, I am the same way.
I pick people's writing apart.
I am very critical, so I'm just going to go for the content now, and not tear her work to pieces. ;]


I think this could develop into something interesting.
If you put some time and effort into it, I bet you could make something nice out of this.
Good Luck. ;]

_________________


Oh God, can it go any faster?

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Re: Meh a story i'm working on

Post by Randy on Thu Nov 12, 2009 4:21 pm

I think its pretty good so far Smile
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